25 Days of Self Discovery | day three

Hello again! If you haven’t noticed, I have greatly spread out these journal posts and plan to keep doing so. So day three is like months after day one, but we work with it.


 

3. 20 things that make me smile.

1. sunrise and sunsets

2. bonfires

3. family

4. our cabin in canada

5. writing

6. laying in the sun (with sunscreen, I know it’s bad, oh well, one life)

7. reading a good book

8. SPORTS (I miss sports)

9. trees

10. walking in tree filled areas

11. photography and all the photoshoots

12. fall

13. floating in water

14. plants in my apartment!

15. good, long conversation

16. pretty wood finishes

17. being outside/fresh air

18. all right, harry potter

19. food I can eat that doesn’t make me sick

20. creating

In this time, it’s pretty important to sit back and discover what makes you happy and what makes your world go around while we continue to stay isolated and safe.

05/18/20

 

cheers,

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check out the list here!

my previous days; one, two.

We don’t need motivation.

“Motivation isn’t necessary. You just have to do it.”

—a slightly paraphrased quote from page 182 of Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered

 

This statement punched me in the face with a bag of bricks and ran me over.

It’s okay, though. I’m fine.

I have been using the motivation crutch for years (coupling it with the lovely mental health struggles) and I didn’t even realize it until this morning.

During this quarantine moment we are all having, like everyone, I have had good days and bad days. Mainly, I’ve been lonely and sad I can’t enjoy the Minnesota nice weather (because we only have that summer life for a few months tops out here), but I’ve also had a sense of “motivation” to get some of my personal goals back on track. It’s been a very subtle change, but it’s there.

However, I was still using the excuse of not having motivation to work harder, or at all when I spend the day on the couch with Netflix and games on my phone. This is why reading that section of the book hit me harder than other parts.

It seems so simple, maybe even silly, because, of course we don’t need motivation—not for things we love to do, not for things we hate to do, or we need to do. So why do I need motivation to write? I love to write. I love to eat popcorn and I definitely don’t need motivation for that. I don’t need motivation to go to work because I need to for money—there isn’t a choice, so I just go.

Today, with this post keeping me accountable, I’m going to start viewing things in my life a little differently. No more using motivation as an excuse. I don’t need to like it, but now there is literally nothing standing in my way to get shit done.

Here we go.

 

cheer,

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A view from home

Good news is that I finally got set up to work from home on Friday! Bad news is that I haven’t been out to take any new photos lately. So to smash those two nice and not so nice things together, I thought I’d post some throwback photos that I took out my window. I think they’re kinda cool.

 

 

Cheers,

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Down this path together.

Another week, another what the fuck.

I still don’t have words for exactly what the world is going through, so I’ll skip the trying to explain.

Instead, I’m going to list a couple pros and cons I’ve learned through this quarantine era.

CONS;

I can’t find gluten free stuff as easily. Target is my go-to for food and everything and for some reason, they aren’t stocking gluten free food like they used to. I haven’t ventured out to other stores frankly because I’m lazy.

I live alone and can’t see family or friends. This is pretty self-explanatory and I’ve touched on it in prior posts, but empty houses/apartments hit different right now.

 

PROS;

I am so sick of social media. This sounds like a con, but I spend too much time on social media and with what is going on, I’m able to set the phone down and focus on other things. I do follow politicians, government people, and sports, so I get news on there, but everything else is becoming too much.

My motivation is coming back. I’ve found workouts I enjoy and am losing some weight. I’m working on this blog more consistently and appreciating the photos I’ve taken (see below), and most importantly, I’m working on editing my book, which has one more big edit before I stop caring and try to step in to the traditional publishing world.

I’m curious, since we are basically all on a similar path right now, what pros and cons have you countered the last few weeks?

 

cheers,

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Usually alone, but now lonely.

Let me be straight, I typically put maybe 10 percent effort into my dating life. In general,  I’ve come to terms with not feeling ready to date or rather just wanting more relationships with people on a platonic level.

BUT NOW

I’m not sure what to think and that’s not really helping in the mental health department. (However, I do feel pretty solid at the moment, so don’t be alarmed yet, mom and dad.)

It’s hard not knowing the next time I get to be around people. At least when I was giving minimal effort, I knew that I had multiple chances, specially with spring and summer coming up (patio weather!).

Now, we are seeing reports that this could be on and off until there’s a vaccine and vaccines apparently take a year or two to figure out! That seems excessive to me, but I also haven’t taken a science class since 2012, so…

I felt and do feel like I’m in a positive place in life. I had even scheduled a hair appointment before I left my last one like a good hair person does. I, of course, had to reschedule it because the entire world broke, but it felt good and adult-like.

Most of my life is still in place (I still have to go to work) and I wasn’t very active during the week anyway, but I just have no idea how to combat this. The thought of not being able to be around people is a tough one I’ve been ignoring.

When it gets rough and I feel like I need to redownload tinder, I usually focus on sports games or going home to my family for the weekend and here we are with none of that.

I know we all don’t know, but I just don’t know.

 

cheers,

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Processed with VSCO with dog1 preset

 

Social Distancing | This is crazy.

What a world we live in.

I fortunately/unfortunately still get to go to work everyday amid the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m thankful for the paycheck and distraction. I’m also scared that I’ll get infected. Thankfully, I live alone, so the only people I see are my coworkers—overall less people to spread it to if I do get it.

Either way, the atmosphere is absolutely insane and, like my brother told me, we are literally living history right now. It’s overwhelming and I’m not sure what to think about it.

The last two weeks have been incredibly stressful with not knowing what the state was going to do and not knowing what my employer was going to do. I can relax now having answers to both. Minnesota starts the “stay at home” order today and it goes through April 10th. My employer… well, nothing really has changed there.

Despite only half of that feeling safe and like the right decision, I do feel calmer overall. I’m also excited to start focusing on things again, like this blog, my book, my health, and the cleanliness of my apartment.

And most importantly, I’m excited to enjoy nature (by myself and six feet away from friends). To start off, here are some photos from my latest social distancing walk.

As the snow is melting here and we are gearing up for Spring, I’m thankful for the fall like colors of the last three photos. 😉 Also, thankful I brought my friend into the photography life and now get fun photos of myself, haha!

I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. We will get through this! At least, we can tell ourselves that until we do—despite what people may think, words hold a hell of a lot of power.

We will get through this!

Cheers,

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