Anxiety kicked my ass.
The last two months dragged me back into the pits of mental health hell and my creative plans were pushed to the sideline.
And it sucked that it was all caused by the little thing called money.
My anxiety is directly correlated with my worry of being able to live a sustainable life in the city by myself. That’s how it started those few years ago—with the realization that I was poor and the continuing defeat of not find ways to make more money.
The past few months have been filled with constant scrolling through job sites trying to find my next position that actually paid a living wage (because your girl has crippling student loan debt that makes everything impossible in today’s society).
Finally, just a week before Christmas, I applied, interview (twice), and got a job offer all under just six days and stress the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders.
I hate the money is the cause of so much of my mental health struggle. It literally shuts off my desire to continue working on my creative goals—even though they will eventually lead to another stream of income, but that’s why poor mental health does to ya.
Throughout these few months where I was losing my battle, I did a few things to stay afloat that I want to share with you now that I’m winning again.
- Journaling: Despite being a writer, keeping a journal has always been a hard thing for me. I think because up until recently, it’s been super hard for me to talk about anything emotional and mental health related—specially the damaging stuff. But after spending Thanksgiving with my parents (and my dad reading a little article off of Facebook about this stuff), I decided to buy a cute journal from Target and give it a go. I’ve only done about three or four entries, but I think it helped.
- Purpose: This goes along with the journaling. I need to give myself a purpose to do something, like a mini goal. Working towards something always helps me get through these tough times. This time it was ending each journal entry on a (somewhat) positive note because someday, I will want my kids to read it, to know they are not the only ones going through hard times.
- Breathing: I literally hate this one. I hate when people tell me to “just breathe”, but gosh darnit, it works. I also like to use some essential oils (eucalyptus and peppermint is in my “relief” one). Taking a few deep breaths is a form of meditation and just relaxes you, even if it’s just for a little bit.
Usually at this point, I would add in writing because that usually helps me through it—working on my stories, characters, plots, but this time, it didn’t. Nothing creative was helping, not even photography.
Just because something worked in the past, doesn’t mean it will work every time and that is okay. Sometimes we need to completely step away to regroup and recharge. It’s learning to accept that that will help bring us back to where we need and want to be.
I just turned 26 and 2019 is right around the corner and guess what?